~ Loneliness ~

When I saw the natural disaster that happened drastically across the world, i'm started to think that was the world getting to end. I don't know what will happen on the next moment. I'm not afraid but just doubting whether am I have the time to fulfill my dream. Sometimes I hope that I was not alone but at this moment, I realize that I was alone.


I try to talk to my family my demands, my dreams, my voice but they just treat it like a nonsense. They never support for what I dream for or what I want. When they saw I was alone, they will say why we didn't saw you hanging out with friends. And when I want to hang out with friends, they will prohibited me. I don't know what they actually want me to do. 


I try to get my own way, my own life, but they still treat me like a child. My life was like a princess. But I don't want to be a princess, I just want to be a simple girl. A girl who always happy, always enjoy the life, like the time when I was small - Nothing to worry of.


I try to have talk with my friends and I know they always care for me but I can't always talk with them coz they also have their own space, own time to spend with their loved one. I'm always cherish the moment when I be with them. Though they sometimes might forget my existence, but I never blame them coz I'm too quiet in class. And I know sometimes they maybe will felt I'm hard to mix with but that was me. Though I'm talking less in class but when I was in trouble, they will cooperate to help me. This I always know and always appreciate. At that moment, I know I was not alone.


But sometimes I also still felt lonely. And this lonely is come from my heart when I hard to get into class community. When this feeling came across me, the memory of happiness will came to me. This memory is the sweetest memory that I've get through when I was in a college. There I met a 'bunches' of friends though I only spent about 4 months with them but I was very happy and proud coz giving me the chance to get know them. 


I don't know when I'll meet with them or maybe we won't meet again, but that time, was the only time that I didn't felt alone. I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world. I like them and will always like them. Time never let me stop my step and say 'hi' to them, but they always stay in my heart forever and ever. Will I meet with them in future? I don't know coz all of us will have our own life but there's 1 thing I'll do for them. 


I'm quite pessimistic, am I? Maybe it was being affected by the world. when the world started to lose it control, my thinking also will get affected. When there were sacred of love between mankind, my feeling will also change. 


But I'm still believe there will be miracle behind all these things.